so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
