I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
