Well douche your snatch and let's go!
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
