Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
two words: eviction party
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
