Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
