he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
