I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize