fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
how does that bad decision feel?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
