If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
