Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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