Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
