That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
