I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
