Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
