I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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