i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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