Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
