Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
