So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
