uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
