my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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