It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
