He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
