is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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