Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
