She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
How external is "for external use only"?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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