So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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