Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize