I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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