Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
