I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
