I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
