His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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