I'm eating all of the evidence.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
