He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
