you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
