I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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