we have officially lost it.
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
