when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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