My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
