he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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