lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
