ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize