Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
