so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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