R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Randomize
