I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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