Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
