What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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