Whod you bang
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
