Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
