Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
home. puking in laundry basket.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Randomize
