what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
