I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
