I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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