I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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