i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
