No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
