Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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