I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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