Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
