How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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