Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
