she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
