Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
