Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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