You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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