so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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