i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
