fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
