thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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