My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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