dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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