I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
