But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i believe in u and ur pee
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