Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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