he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
