Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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