We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
