I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
