btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
