Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
