Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
