Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize