i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
