I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
